The Internet
RE: While nondescriptive subjects are more likely to be blew
Humor & Fiction Date: 7/17/2002  5:08pm Whois  Name: Ten4 <ten4mw@yahoo.com>
Subject: RE: While nondescriptive subjects are more likely to be blew
[saibaba--> <snip>
OK, I'll give you humor:

http://www.identitytheory.com/insight/br...

Ooops. It's not fiction! Well, 1 out of 2 ain't that bad.

[Ten4]--> Thanks saibaba, that was a fucken great article. If you’ve ever actually dated a stripper, this guy’s pretty much dead on. (“Dating” may not be the right word here, any more than it is when street hoes ask if you “wanna date?” – but that would be nitpicking.)

But I think he’s wrong about a few things, the most notable of which is his comment that you gotta date a stripper at least five times to get sex. That’s only true if you’re in a certain category of stripper “boyfriends” – the pathetic dipshit who pays the bills, waits outside the club to give her a ride home in his Mercedes, and still doesn’t get laid because she says she’s tired and has to get up early. Let’s face it, if you go out with a stripper and don’t fuck her on the first date, you’re prolly not getting over with this broad except maybe for a later, subsistence fuck designed to insure you continue paying the bills.

Subsistence fucks are like sympathy fucks – they’re not generally the great, come-three-times-before-you-get-soft fucks that’re why you put up with shit to fuck strippers in the first place. All right, I’ll grant that you might get a great fuck like that on a second – as opposed to first – date, but only if you’re not a pathetic dip, if either she’s a little uptight or you’re trying to be a gentleman to insure getting in on the second date. Of course it’s possible, just like on any date, that the opportunity will just not present itself on the first date, but here, remember that you’re dealing with a babe that, at a minimum, rubs her pussy against guys’ dicks for a living, so there won’t be too many opportunities that won’t present on that first date, if you catch my drift here. Anyway, you can be sure that if you’re dating a stripper more than once without getting any, someone else is, and you’re prolly paying his bills, too.

The article also limits itself to one type of stripper girl friend: the Party Girl. For all the reasons the guy mentioned, this type of girl is not particularly good girl friend material, even if all you wanna do is fuck her. In fact, this type of girl isn’t that good as a girl friend even if she’s not a stripper. Basically, this is the type of girl that’s used to having guys drool all over her just because she’s got nice tits and looks fucken great in a halter. Don’t feel bad – you could be Brad Pitt and still not keep this chick in line.

But while all strippers – at least those most guys wanna date – are used to guys tripping over their dicks just to get close to ‘em, not all are Party Girl types. There’re a lot of other stripper types, too. (Apologies to ZBone here, since he covered some of this shit in an old post about different stripper and customer types.)

There’s the Abused Teenager. This type grew tits early, got diddled by Mom’s deadbeat boyfriend at 14, got knocked up at 16, and maybe got strung out on crank, all before retreating to the one thing she knew well: making guys trip over their dicks just to drool on her. (Yeah I know: there’s a theme here.) These are girls you wanna take care of and think you can take care of, but can’t. These girls might seem like Party Girls, but they’re not happy about it. Actually, they’re not happy about anything, and you aren’t gonna change that: no man could, not even a pathetic dweeb who gives her everything and drives her home without getting laid. She’ll show up on your dates about as reliably as she shows up on her club shifts.

Then, there’s the Pro Dancer. They work their shifts like you work your job. They make their money and go home. They may own a condo they bought themselves, as opposed to the Party Girl, who has a condo someone else bought. These are the girls you wish you met anywhere but at the club, because if you met them anywhere else, you might actually do OK here. They may or may not be Abused Teenagers, but they are not Party Girls, so you will not have the problems referred to in the above article. You will also probably not succeed in dating them, unless you can convince them at the club that you’re not a pathetic dweeb who thinks he can date dancers. This will take a lot of time, and a lot of trips to the club, which will likely convince her you are in fact a pathetic dweeb who thinks he can date dancers, and you will have no chance at all. Most dweebs prefer the Party Girl type to this type, since they can convince themselves the Party Girls, who are more inclined to play up to these losers, really like them, whereas the Pro Dancers are seen as cold or hard. This is prolly why the above article is limited to the Party Girl type of stripper. Personally, I fucken love the Pro Dancer type, but then I like the chicks in detective novels, too.

Then, there’s the Refugee From the Midwest. In LA, these might also be Refugees From Mexico or Latin America, Southeast Asia, or the Czech Republic. Point of origin doesn’t make that much difference: the key is, they come to LA for the weather, the acting, the beach, or the school. They find out they can either make a ton of money making guys splooge by rubbing their tits on the guys’ pants, or make minimum wage selling burgers. Their choice of dancing may mean they were also Abused Teenagers, aspiring Party Girls, or potential Pro Dancers. Or it may just mean they want the fucken money. They will become Party Girls or Pro Dancers if they hang around long enough, or they might dance just long enough to cover their tuition. You might date one of these girls, especially if you’re young and are yourself a Refugee who came to LA for the weather, the acting, the beach, or the school. Unless of course you’re a nerd who can’t meet women except at strip clubs, in which case you’re in the same position as if she were a Party Girl.

Finally, there are some types of strippers that even total dweebs don’t usually wanna date. There are Rip Off Bitches, who are basically Pro Dancers gone bad. Only a special type of complete nerd would ever try to date one of these. There are Unabashed Whores, who are usually good to know if you’re in the club, but who you’d turn a corner to avoid anywhere else. There may also be Man-Hating Cunts, which is what assholes who constantly hit on strippers think all strippers are. In reality this type barely exists at all. Basically, they’re a figment of the imagination to justify the assholes’ failure to score.

Top Back
Humor & Fiction Date: 7/17/2002  7:24pm Whois  Name: saxbeat
Subject: RE: While nondescriptive subjects are more likely to be blew
[saibaba--> <snip>

[Ten4]--> <snip>

[saxbeat]--> Wow, Ten4, that was a great analysis -- ZBone HOF material -- but I think you are missing one more type... the rarest, most complex, and by far, more interesting:

The Sexlover. This may be the rarest type of dancer, but they are out there. These are simply women who love sex, eroticism, and adventure. They look at dancing as "fun." They recoil at the notion that they were Abused Teens. They avoid the Party Girls for being bad influences and annoying at best, or just plain dangerous at worst. But they don't take dancing, money, or at least, working in a club, seriously enough to become Pro Dancers. Sexlovers are almost like Pro Dancers in terms of reliability, etc., but the difference is, they are relaxed and not "hard."

Some Sexlovers pride themselves on being Sex Workers. They join unions and donate to COYOTE. Some become courtesans. I've met a couple who were actively seeking to be mistresses or kept women. They take an almost academic approach to explaining their career choice, but the academic explanations belie their voracious sexuality and almost compulsive knowledge of historical sexual morés and worldwide sexual technique. They quote Henry Miller and toss around the names of Kama Sutra positions as if they were astrological signs. Sociopolitically, they often fall into the riotgrrl party, or perhaps Libertarian, or neo-feminist. They may be active in fempower and stripper power discussion boards. They write masters' theses, articles, books and long, long e-mails about stripping, any of which can blow away all your supposed knowledge of stripping (and perhaps a good chunk of your self-esteem) with one flip sentence.

Sexlovers may actually have been Party Girls earlier in their lives, but their good upbringing, decent education and just plain heart and soul saved them from a life of indulgent excess. They have learned how to manage, and may even live normal lives in addition to their dancing. They are "salt of the earth" people.

It is difficult to categorize Sexlovers into neat little stereotypes like this, because truth be told, other than their love of sex, they are very individual and different. They may love surfing, they may love intellectual pursuits. They may be cooks, or musicians, or writers, or housewives. However, as highly sexed as they may be, don't count on them being nymphos -- they may have gone through that phase, before their considerable self-esteem kicked in, but no more. And besides, they are as much into quality as quantity... (though preferably, they want both). Interestingly, the other asset I've discovered in the Sexlovers I've known is an implicit and direct honesty. They are beyond bullshitting and lying, almost to a fault, and they don't tolerate it in anyone. They have a powerful BS-meter, and it is set to STUN. Sweet as they tend to be, I think that may be their strongest defense mechanism against the guys who would exploit them, and it is the thing that puts them most at odds with working in a club.

Unlike the other dancer types, Sexlovers may date, befriend, and even marry a customer. (I've known at least four who have done so.) They are very rational women though, and will only do it if they think the guy is "right" in a way that goes way beyond having the normal "Mr. Right" qualities. Sometimes, the guy is "right" because he will tolerate or even encourage her continued dancing. Sometimes, he is right because she wants to quit dancing, and may do so in the comfort of knowing he alone will satisfy her sexual exploration. Despite her openness and honesty though, most guys can't handle a Sexlover. Perhaps because of her openness and honesty.

For jaded, old, perverted -- yet discriminating -- fucks like myself, the Sexlover is what makes all clubbing worthwhile. As dancers, they are exceptional. They may actually study dance or yoga to improve their stage show. They are awesome in the booth, with a deep understanding of what makes men tick. And they are fun to chat with in or out of the club. They love their jobs, and they instinctively avoid assholes, so even after 5-10 years of dancing, they are pleasant to sit with. For those of us who aren't looking for love or sex in a club, Sexlovers make great clubbing companions and even friends. They won't call you at 2am. They won't flash a crowd from the passenger seat of your convertible when you are driving through Old Town. (In fact, they often consider themselves shy and introverted, though they are only so in comparison to the Party Girls they work with. ) They don't play stupid power games. And they are always working on some cool new side project that is far more interesting on anything you are doing.

The only problem with Sexlovers is that every pathetic dweeb looking to date a dancer thinks the girl he likes is one of them. Experienced Pro Dancers have even been known to try and pretend to be Sexlovers, but in reality, they usually either don't really care enough or don't have the intellectual depth. The difference between a Pro Dancer and a Sexlover is a Pro Dancer doesn't want to discuss Anais Nin with you after a lapdance. The Sexlover is the Grail of the pathetic dweeb. And every pathetic dweeb thinks he is the guy that will satisfy her and rock her world, and keep her happy. And usually, the PD is wrong, about the girl, about himself, and about just about everything else.

And the worst of it is, even when a PD actually finds a Sexlover, and they hit it off, he is likely to ruin it with a judgemental remark, a condescending attitude, or his own sad little insecurities.

God bless the Sexlovers!

sax "Sexlover trapped in a man's body" beat

Top Back

Footer