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Letters to Z Bone

BobSometimes Z Bone readers just want to flame me or tell me something without asking me anything. Others want to expunge their guilt by confessing to Z.

There is no claim by me that any of these e-mails relate to reality. The more interesting or thought provoking ones will be posted right here. Obvious shills will not, unless it's downright hilarious.

Submissions may be edited or shortened at Z Bone's discretion or lack thereof. If you do not want your name shown, please specify so in your e-mail.

 


Date: Wed 12/26/01 2:42 AM
From: VitaminLeo TouzaX [vitaminx31@yahoo.com]
Subject: Body Shop in L.A.

Must say I enjoy your website very very much, and it has help me gain some good insight into stripclubs. I just turned 18 in Ausugust, and have been to 4 different strip clubs, the Spearmint Rhino in Van Nuys, the Valley Ball, Deja Vu in (I Think) North Hollywood, and the Body Shop in L.A., on Sunset...

I read your review of the Body Shop, of which is without a doubt my 100% favorite place to go. The club itself might not be all that great, but about 90% of the dancers there are very attractive and the place has a general happy and great attitude. The dancers are very negotiable, well, I shouldn't keep talking about it, you should go and check it out again for yourself recently, I assure you it's changed a lot since your last visit, and the dances are NICE!

Also, is it just me or are Spearmint Rhino girls tend to be hustlers? I stopped going to the Rhino because one of the dancers ripped me off and actually yelled at me and threatened to get a bouncer on me if I didn't pay her right there and then. That upset me so much, that I decided never to come back there again. Well, just thought I'd lend you a tip to check out the Body Shop again, that first week I turned 18, I went to all 4, just about everyday. Then, I went to Spearmint about 3 more times afterwards (my friends were big fans, thanks to the Rhino's penchant for advertising), and I went to the Body Shop about 8-10 times (I convinced them heheheh), in that month alone. Needless to say I've been broke for quite some time now, and just looking to get back on the club scene. Again, enjoy your website and possibly hope to hear from you soon!

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Date: Tue 11/13/01 3:08 PM
From: henrysmall@yahoo.com
Subject: your review of jumbo's clown room

It seems like it's been a while since you have been to Jumbo's. Fortunately nothing has changed. I'm from Chicago (home of some of the lamest clubs) and to me the location/neighborhood it's in isn't bad at all. I think you may have missed the point of the place, which boasts some of the cheapest drinking in LA. It is a place where the dancers and the regulars know each other, where the chit-chat isn't fake and the girls (many have day jobs) actually look like they're having fun. I guess I don't like to have to pay $100's of bux at a club. Jumbo's actually doesn't deserved to be compared to some of the other LA clubs I have been to which I would describe as reverse-ATM's. Now, Crazy Girls is fun, but Seventh Veil and most of the other Hollywood clubs are rip-offs. Jumbo's is in a league of it's own.

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Date: Wed 11/14/01 11:35 PM
From: ZOE2432@aol.com
Subject: Zoe replies

I would love to reply to a comment about me. I still work at sahara and continue to with pleasure! Sometimes customer's step in on my day off, most girl's that hate competition tell them I have quit or got fired. That's a easy way for them to discredit me. I am still here and will always give you the best dance you ever had- money back no question's asked! I work for you! If you don't like your dance, and it's not the BEST you have gotten at my club it's free! One catch- I'm no amateur, so $25 is customary for our time per song. I still offer $15 house dances, but it's up to you- your the boss!

Come in and play with me! I work just about every Day. If I'm not there, please do me a favor and ignore what other girls say.

P.S. Did you notice all my stars??? See you soon!XOXO

ZOE @ Sahara Anaheim

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Date: Tue 11/13/01 2:58 PM
From: travis
Subject: Protection

I thought I pass along some of the tricks that I've picked up over time. I don't know if you tried any of these but it may help. These tips worked for me. This is kind of long so bear with me.

1.) Choosing condoms - try choosing the thinner or snugger fitting kind (lubricated of course). For me, I try to get the bikini condoms that are very thin. Also, try the cheapest condoms you can find. Since you're not having sex, you don't have to worry about them breaking and you don't have to worry about cost. Condoms from vending machines are my choice to use.

2.) When to use a condom - try putting a condom on minutes before getting a dance. Be erect and roll it down as far as you can so it will take longer for it to bunch up during a dance.

3.) Keeping on a condom - for me, the best way is to keep a condom on is by staying erect as long as possible before getting a dance. That way the condom doesn't have a chance to loosen up and roll off. You can do it however you want to.

4.) Know yourself - if you want to get off, you have to figure out how much mileage it'll take for you to do that. This also includes what position your member has to be in order for you to pop the quickest and easiest. For me, I like my member stretched out as far as possible(out of my underwear) on my left side (usually resting on my left leg).

5.) Know the dancer - know the kind of dancer you'll be dealing with and how much mileage she has. Some dancers don't like grinding or customers trying to get off so they have very little mileage. Some dancers like and try to get customers to explode so that they'll come back for more , so they have heavy mileage. Most dancers know about customers getting off but don't go out of their way to help them out. They have regular mileage. They'll grind just enough for guys to come back for more; it doesn't matter to them whether you pop or not as long as they get paid.

Another factor you should consider for dancers would be their styles and routines. Get a lap dance from a dancer and see how she moves, what routines she has/moves she makes, and where does she normally grind (does she grind to your left, to your right, up and down, clockwise, etc.).

As far as mileage goes, try to see how to match up with the dancer. If she's low mileage and you'll need a lot of grinding to explode, you may want to try masturbating before the dance and try to come as close as you can to popping so that it wouldn't take as much for the dancer to finish you off.

If she's regular mileage, then you need to know how she moves in order to position your member where she'll likely be (if she tends to grind on your right, then place yourself right, etc.). If she's into heavy mileage, she'll usually find your member and grind on it so all you'll have to do is place it where you like it and let her take care of it. Some women want to get you off so they'll help you out by asking you how do you want them to grind you, the speed, etc.

6.) Be quick to change positions - if a dancer grinds your member out of your favorite position, then move it back as quickly as you can. Try waiting until her back is turned or a few inches away from you to move yourself w/o her knowing. Don't have to worry about dancers with heavy mileage finding out what you're doing. If anything, they'll even move your member themselves back to where it was.

7.)Keeping physical contact - sometimes, even with a dancer with heavy mileage, it's still not enough for you to pop. One way to get over the hump (so to speak) is for you to maintain physical contact with the dancer as long as possible. Have your pelvis up against hers and follow it wherever she goes...if she grinds to the left, right, backwards, or forwards, you follow her throughout. The only time contact is broken is if she gets up to change positions. In essence, you're grinding your member up against her. That helps especially if you're close to exploding and need a little more stroking. It also minimizes condoms rolling off (especially with deep grinders). Dancers with heavy mileage usually won't mind but those with low mileage may not like it so try to keep it as discrete as you can.

8.) Finally, try catching dancers in a hurry - if steps 1 through 7 don't work, Step 8 just might be the key. Try waiting for a dancer who's either going onstage relatively soon or wait until she's ready to go home and get a dance with her. For the most part, the dancer will be in a hurry and will grind you as hard and as fast as they can in order to take care of you so they can go onstage or go home (especially if they have pick up their kids).

I've tried a few times and it's amazing how effective it is!

I hope that these methods help in any way (may not be for everybody). Try them out and let me know how they.

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Date: Fri 11/9/01 8:32 PM
From: HarleyCutie@aol.com
Subject: Your current dancer of the month

You said Lacy Love was a natural blond in your description. Uhhhhh....did you happen to see those black roots and eyebrows?

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Date: Mon 10/29/01 7:41 AM
From: Sherri Long [maryjane4360@yahoo.com]
Subject: I would like to report......

You probably have never heard a story like this until now.......I was a dancer for five years in three different clubs......I have a friend who was dancing at the Colorado Springs location until recently. The second day upon working there she reported to me that there is a lot of prostitution going on here in Colorado Springs.....A girl propositioned a guy for 50.00 and then took him to the parking lot , did her thing, and came back in the club. I would also like to let you know that "Titty tips, twat tips, and grinding the customers" is illegal in this state. These girls are downright nasty and vulgar and I personally think that something needs to be done. I have notified the local authorities but would like to get a hold of the head person in charge of all the chains and take care of this matter.

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Date: Sun 10/21/01 11:19 PM
From: Wayne [cookiemonster690@hotmail.com]
Subject: Leilani Rios-Playboy

I think you should have Leilani Rios as your featured dancer. She has obviously become the most famous dancer in the USA, been on Real Sports with Bryant Gumble(HBO), 20/20, Inside Edition, Goodmorning America, and so many other major, national shows, radio stations, magazines, icluding Playboy the magazine and Playboycyberclub and Playboy TV. She has given dancers all accross this great nation a good name, she is a great athlete, a great student and and incredible dancer and now celeberty. Please contact her and have her as your special feature of the YEAR! Everyone accross America would like that! Especially me! She works at Ecstasy Theatre in Santa Ana Calif, Im sure you already know that. Thank you, Wayne

[Editor's Note: I'm negotiating with her and hope to have her as DOM soon.]

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Date: Mon 10/15/01 11:41 PM
From: [Name withheld by request]
Subject: Hollywood Trop

Can you possibly put a "thumbs down" icon next to the Hollywood Tropicana. That club is really a waste of money and time today as well as in the future!!

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Date: Thu 10/11/01 11:41 PM
From: boxerdoll@email.msn.com
Subject: strip joint, pomona

To whom it may concern, as someone who has worked in the industry for about 5 1/2 years, I can tell you that Strip Joint is a waste of your time to stop into. Why? Well for one thing, I read the most recent reviews of the place and it is totally innaccurate. First the nasty factor of the place is about minus one! The security is very tight. I almost asked the guard to have a seat and share the dance since he was practically in my lap as it was.NO MILEAGE HERE GUYS! I seriously think that the last two reviews were created by one of the dancers for the owners of the club. When I went it was the atmosphere that really let me down. And as for the length of the songs, it was either long or very short, no consistency. No real stage show and I would like to see the girls on the floor, I was reassured that they had 12-15 girls but I only saw about 4 black girls and an older white girl. If the owners knew what they were doing, they would have a good chance of running a good club. But as for now, forget it. Message to the owners, security, train them. D.J.s', get a variety of music, I do not like to feel I'm on Soultrain for 5 hours. And dancers, get on the floor. I will not buy if I cannot see!

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Date: Thu 10/4/01 12:33 AM
From: Wy-S-Guy [Wy-S-Guy@zbone.com]
Subject: The End of my Era

Hello All,
I hope this message finds everyone in good health and happiness. I am writing this letter to officially announce my retirement as a Nightclub General Manager and employee. I have deeply enjoyed meeting people in the club industry or with Industry related businesses. Also, ESGM Management Services will be closing their doors. There have been so many memories along with good and bad experiences. I am always available for any comments, questions, consultations and concerns. I hope that I will be able to stay in touch with everyone. Good Luck to those club owners, as the times coming up will be tough. Thank you everyone once again and hope to talk or e-mail you all soon.

Sincerely

Greg T. McCormick "-Sorrento"

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Date: Mon 9/17/01 8:49 PM
From: RWW8232@aol.com
Subject: Horace McKenna, (mean as a junk-yard dog)

HI..................your chronology on the McKenna case was excellent, I hope you can complete it..................by the way, I was the lead L.A. Sheriffs investigator in the vice/counterfeiting operations of McKenna in the 1970s.........great time..........

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Date: Mon 9/17/01 8:50 AM
From: Michael Davis
Subject: Murder Solved in an LAStrip Club

Dave Almos Know as English Dave was a Rat, He single handily convicted Michael Woods of Murder.This was really a lesson to be learned Dave received 40% of all the clubs for arranging the Murder of Mac, Dave subbed out the Murder to a kid at the club for 10K , Dave kept 40K and 40% of the clubs, Dave was caught and turned Police rat.The Funny thing is Woods killed Mac to gain control of the clubs but he ended up still giving half away to Dave Almos (English Dave) and could never sleep at night after Mac's Murder, never knowing when the boys in Blue would be knockin.He was much better off keeping Mac as a Partner or borrowing Money to Buy Mac share of the clubs, or placing a board of Directors and voting Mac out !!!!!!!! Woods was an ex-CHP which Figures and really had shit for brains, he ended up worse off than if He kept Mac as a Partner, at least Mac was no Rat like English Dave, we all wont be seeing them for a long long time, hell that's what they get for being greedy!!!!!!!!!!! Davis, Bold Magazine

Michael Davis
Publisher, Bold Entertainment Magazine
www.boldmagazine.com

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Date: Mon 9/17/01 8:50 AM
From: John Gray
Subject: RE: Murder Solved in an LAStrip Club

Dear Mike:

I could not disagree more - while we all like to think of ourselves as tough guys in talk - when it comes time to walk the walk - few (such as Almos) could be considered wise to do an additional decade for remaining silent in exchange for Wood's walking. Let us not forget - Wood's did it (along with accomplices) and thus deserves the punishment - regardless of Dave's testimony. Right is right and wrong is wrong (or have I forgotten something). Further, let us not forget that the beginning of their unraveling was Wood's/Almos literally stupid treatment of the trigger guy - had he been properly handled - authorities could not have made a case (the trigger guy wore a wire on Almos which lead to Almos wearing a wire on Woods). The only thing worst than a want-ta-be tough guy, is a stupid want-ta-be tough guy. In any event - I suppose their clubs may be available for my acquisition soon - so here's to the stupid want-ta-be tough guys.

John Gray,
Chairman & CEO - The Spearmint Rhino Gentlemen's Clubs

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Date: Sun 9/9/01 8:00 PM
From: brian14356@netzero.net
Subject: HOLIDAY CLUB

I started going to the Holiday in 1982 until about 1993. I used to go almost every night and stay until closing time 2am in the morning. It was a fun party place, when my friend Steve and I would run out of money the girls always bought pitchers for us. One day I came and one of girls asked if I wanted a beer and I told her I had left my money at home. She went to the bar and bought me a pitcher of beer! and I barely knew her, she had just recently started working there. Anyway i got to know a lot of the girls, and there some very prettty ones. If anyone remembers Suzy worked there for about 12 years, a very beautiful spanish girl. She was fun, playful and very, very nice.

Anyway it changed managers, and I don't know why but it's not so lively now. I guess the old dj's are gone for one thing. I remember all the girls liked each other and they just really seemed to be having a lot of fun.

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Date: Fri 9/7/01 6:14 PM
From: SEVENFTMAN@aol.com
Subject: GUILTY GUILTY

Time to update your website, Michael Woods found guilty today at 4:30 pm of 1st. Degree Murder and Guity of Murder for financial gain.

I found out about your website through a producer from Court TV, David Barry

by the way great web site!

Needless to say there are two more, David Amos and John Sheridan, but they will go quickly, like I said yesterday at court, 1 down and two to go, and this game will be over.

Attached is a couple photos of me and my dad, one from 1984 when I was getting taller than him and one from 1989 about a month before the murder.

I hope this helps to confirm who I am.

Sincerely,
Big Mike Mckenna
Big Mac's Son

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Date: Sun 9/2/01 8:12 PM
From: Piper Monroe [piper_monroe@hotmail.com]
Subject: sad about our reviews

Dear Z, I am so dissapointed with the latest reviews for Spearmint Rhino Industry! You know, I always give people a great time at work, and personally to me that means conversation and great lap dances that are sensual, mileage friendly, and fun. I am never a "wannadance" kind of a girl. However, it seems that many of the other girls at the club ARE and it is giving us the reputation of a pretty club with bitchy dancers.

Let me just say now that I am not the kind of girl who will seductively whisper in your ear and tell you all the nasty things I will do to you if you buy a dance. I have gone that route and it DOESN"T work for me, no matter how many times I practice in the mirror. My way is to sit with people and talk and be sexy but playful. And that does work, really well.If more girls would say hello and sit down for a few minutes, not only would they make killer money Z, but our club wouldn't have such icky reviews. (I will admit that they are hiring anyone who comes in off the street now, or so it seems. The reviewers are right about the quality of women having gone down, which seems a shame.) It seems that only a few dancers understand that.

While sitting in the dressing room with some of the girls the other night, a few mentioned how horrible they were doing and that the night sucked, etc. They said nobody would buy any dances from them. So I suggested to them that they may do better if they sat down and talked to some of these men, which is generally the way I operate. I said 5 minutes is my limit but in that time most men will have warmed up enough to you to get a dance (or 7 or 8). Z, I said this and the girls looked at me as if I had grown another head. "Sit down with them?" one chick asks me incredulously. They just DON"T want to do it, and as a result customers think they are rude or stuck up, or just plain bitches if they are particularly grumpy that night.

Anyway, I just needed to rant and rave for a minute. Many dancers at my club are not rude or mean and do give fabulous dances, but I guess there just aren't enough since so many people are leaving with a sour taste in their mouth. I have so much fun at work and I want customers to have just as awesome a time, which is why I'm sad that they aren't. Love,

Piper Monroe

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Date: Wed 8/15/01 10:55 PM
From: nkell213@earthlink.net
Subject: Spearmint Rhino, Van Nuys

I wanted to let you and your readers know about a scam going on over at the Spearmint Rhino in Van Nuys. I went to their VIP room, where it's a 3 dance minimum, at $120. The dancer wasn't all that great, so I said thank you after the third dance. When I finished, the dancer and floor man said I owed $200! I've been going to strip clubs for years and years and I definitely know how to count the number of songs! That night, I noticed a lot of guys at the ATM's and at the front counter, where you can get money off of your credit card, with their dancer standing next to them--usually a sign that the guy didn't have enough money. Can you please put the question out there to your web site visitors, to find out if others have had this problem there? If it is a scam, please warn everyone not to go there. I hate getting ripped-off, as I'm sure other guys do, too. Thanks.

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Date: Wed 8/15/01 4:33 PM
From: Chad Lee [clee@gsccapital.com]
Subject: Need updates

Dude, I like your site a lot, very informative but you have to update your info. I'm sure that you're probably a busy working man and that this is a side project but Christ, your Top 5 Clubs listing goes back to 1997! I'm sure some of the people who hit your site care about the quality of a "Strip Joint" 4 years ago, but my guess is that people want to know what is hot now! Also, chances are good that some of the girls who graced the stages in 1997 have either retired or are six feet under from their unfortunate crack addiction. I really think your site has potential, it is quite funny. I've been to almost every joint in SoCal and many in Vegas and hands down, the best place is Tropical Lei. I located this gem in the sports section back in 1992 as a freshman in college and the place was unbelievable! The girls were so attractive, it doesn't even compare to what the club has to offer today. I'm talking about 9's and 10's... and I'm the pickiest prick out there! Today, Tropical Lei resembles a third world country, with girls who look like the desert dwelling African women on the cover of National Geographics. Every once in a while, you'll get a classic white trash chick from Bonita High School down the street that will blow your mind. I still like to stop in the place once in a while. 80% of the girls there need to hang up their G strings and retire, 15% need to be beaten for even thinking about stripping, 3% are average, and 2% are good. Their dances are filthy and worth every bit of that $20! Isn't it amazing what a girl will do for twenty, one dollar bills! Delete some of your reviews, and post some new info. Take care! Chad.

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Date: Sat 7/28/01 9:40 PM
From: Rope Gun [ropegun@zbone.com]
Subject: Pontifications

Z, I sent the following to Alysabeth; on her site she asks to hear from committed male strip fans on "Why."

Dear Alysabeth,
I'm a sexual creature like everyone else I know. My sexuality is only a part of my being, but central, and I acknowlege that. It's not cool for guys to say that: it means we're not "gentlemen" in today's (and especailly yesterday's) American society. Still, I love and accept all I am. And find an important expression in today's stripclub atmosphere, where my fantasies complete parts of my psyche. Fantasy is the key word-- it's what makes the club and your profession so amazing. What a surprising, exciting, and previleged phenomanon it is when one understands the truth beneath the strip-club, "sex-club" (for that is how their owners promote them...) hoopla. Hey, it's just business! That simple. You're professionals creating opportunities for us, a largely male audience. You communicate with sexual languages. I respond by offering money. You provide more "detailed" descriptions. I offer more money. I enjoy. You make money. We're both happy. No harm, no fowl. Some of you are fucked up, but some people are fucked up in all professions. God help 'em to find other work, fast. But for the rest of you-- and especially the best of you-- God bless ya'. Because I sometimes find a marvelous rush monogamous males in my position aren't supposed to be getting. It's that incredible endorphin buzz of infatuation-- a pure life force kick. I think all guys, dogs that we are, are driven to seek strange poon. But that drive can create so much crap in our lives. To wit: Condit and Clinton. And a lot of tragedy for women who are their objects. Not every dancer can provide that level of experience. Oh, on any given night maybe half the dancers in a club could get me off, but there's usually not a chick on the schedule who can truly connect. Only the best ones, the most professional, the most together chicks understand fully their feminin power. To share that with a customer is a gift that keeps on giving. I can remember some strippers as perfectly as I remember old girlfriends, and those are fond memories indeed. The quest for that keeps me going back. Again, the cool thing is that it's just a fantasy. I have a lot of respect for a woman who is that professional, that giving, that together. What's that kind of experience worth? A lot more than a couple hours in most clubs cost us, if we're smart about it. And thank God that America isn't so totally fucked up that the clubs can't opperate.

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Date: Sat 7/14/01 9:08 AM
From: Anonymous [by request]
Subject: New to me

I've been into the club circuit as a customer since 1990. Until this past 6 months I have never felt ripped off and have decided to end this ocassional hobby at least at (2) major chains. The service has gotten worse and worse (less for your money) IMHO over the years and my decision is based on these based on (2) recent incidents I experienced.

1. Spearmint Rhino, Oxnard May 2001. Been here maybe 10 times in 10 years. I was appalled at the 1-2 minute song lengths. The greedy club owners have gradually cut songs shorter and shorter I've noticed over the years. This visit epitomized the greed factor to me- where I had (3) dances in 3 minutes. The very nice dancer I was with agreed with me and encouraged me to complain about it. She said song lengths are so short anymore. I left immediately and told the management to kiss my ass and that was the last time at Spearmint Rhino. Of course they just gave me a blank stare and could care less.

2. Deja Vu, NH July 2001. 20 times in 10 years this location. Not since August 2000 though. Very surprised at the couch rental "tickets" policy. Prior to getting a lap asked the manager about song length- he said they were long songs- yea sure I said to myself. I said were they as short as Rhino? He replied that not to EVER compare them to Rhino. In addition, the DJ previously announced (2) for one. The posters on the wall said (3) for (2) day was Thurs. I asked and they said no to both questions!!! No 2 for 1's in the fantasy rooms- only the main booths. I went into the fantasy room anyway. The Dancer was a real bitch unfortunately- the worst attitude I can recall (I have always enjoyed the 500+ dances I have had). So the whole experience lasted about 4 minutes for 3 songs and $60.00 later I have a shitty dance. No music in the fantasy rooms anymore either. I still could not believe how short it was. Then she asked for a tip. I said no- she had an attitude- she proceeded to yell at me and tell me to leave the club!! I could not believe it. Then I read on your website tonight that the club I guess keeps the whole $20.00- so what a scam this is. Short songs, more money, etc.

Conclusion IMHO is that both clubs have turned into "Clip joints" of old. I imagine most all the clubs suffer from this same rip-off mentality. I have always like the Tropical Lei- but they also cut songs so short anymore (last visit Nov 2000- exceptionally high mileage but short songs) this whole activity seems less than what I am interested in paying for anymore. $20.00 for 3 minutes I can deal with. $20.00 for 1-2 minutes just sucks.

All good things never last I guess. The days of 1990-1995 are gone forever. I enjoyed TL, DV Upland back then before all the clubs came closer to home in L.A. It was different then.

Keep up all your good work on the website, I have been reading it for a number of years now. Please don't publish my email address if you use this for anything...

Any input about your opinion on this is welcomed. I can't believe I am the only one complaining and disappointed- newcomers of course don't know any better.

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Date: Fri 7/13/01 10:54 AM
From: TCarri7156@aol.com
Subject: got one for ya!

I was at my usual favorite place and ran into a new dancer. I purchased a bunch of dances from her. It was Sunday and very slow, so we talked. when I started to leave she said "I want to marry you." Okay, okay...I know it is a place of business, but damn, that was a great calling card....

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Date: Wed 7/4/01 11:37 PM
From: Larry Frank [lvf123@earthlink.net]
Subject: Morals & Porn; an opinion of a popular Jesus

Please pass this on to Larry [Flynt]- if you like it.

Hey Larry, how you doing, motherfucker? All I ever want to be called is Larry Frank. I have a few dedicated people behind me now; TV Minister Stars like Ken Copeland - who might be willing to shrug and say, "We're Learning on camera, go motherf go"; Dr. Charles Stanley, who might be willing to say,"Oh not again."; I want Rhu Paul in there, he'll come; and I want you and I on a panel being questioned by two black guys - one of them has to be the black dude from the Beverly Hill Cops; my contention is that black people know how to live; you and I have all the same arguments on porn; it has to be ad libbed - no one knows the questions in advance, and you, as frankness itself; Me too, can have a ball with this; Rod Parsley - who Might be willing to say, "Oh Fuck - I'm from Ohio, too, everybody, enjoy the show"; these stars and you and I will turn a page. Some of these ministers - either someone at the FCC is threatening to pull TBN's licenses if they use good old me and what I've got to say; Batman said "Wait till they get a load of me," and last week I yelled at them - tell them all to look up Jesus' condition for Mercy in the Tarot for Justice, to know what to do; you might give Pat Robertson a good scandal somehow - he has never seen anything like it but can't commit - just ask him if he ever masturbated; Most of these dudes felt bad after I drubbed them last week; tell them to buy their way out; and give Dr.Robert Schuller an opportunity to say, "God loves you and so do I." And then walking away shaking his head Rep. John Conyers makes a good slave, he might be the Biblical Joshua or his brother, so tell him to do whatever you tell him - he might not like it, I'll bet it would help if you asked him to respond to the attached letter. Remember to tell him I'm sort of really pissed at Congress, and would he comment on that? Most of these guys think I might be Jesus, and King David to boot. I'm just stumbling through life's journey meeting Biblical Milestone after milestone. Doing a bang up job. Rev. E. V. Hill might give a skeptic's opinion of me, or maybe a nice one. He keeps saying that Jesus has met every prophesy in the Bible. I wrote a book called the Tree of Life, which explains why I might qualify for either to him - tell him to tell you the story. Maybe he would like be the other questioner. Ask him if he would like to quarrel with me on camera about queers. Ask him if he knows where feelings come from. Its a spiritual question, tell him to tell you who sold him the idea that feelings were the stuff of the Spirit of God! I'm at a halt in my conquest of the earth; no one will talk to me; I'm being politely ignored by all of my ministers, the press, all branches of the Fed, including the SEC - a big story of a screwing; we could make hay for 6 months. For thirty years I've been trying to get a job. All I got out of maybe 150 resume sendouts, was a single call from a girl at Travelers Insurance asking me what I was doing for the last 3 years, and never heard from her again.

Same with the book Tree of Life, samples of which were sent to all kinds of publishers, and no one replied. People have yet to respond to over 100 letters to the government; and another 100 to the press, always about Justice or common sense; all with 100's of times more substance than the big blow job - the media mafia and morals and Justice are used only to hurt people. I know what America's 3 basic legal principles are, (1) If the judge likes you anything can happen, (2) Guess what it takes to get the Judge to like you, and (3) if you are looking for Justice, go to step 2. They don't let engineers in Law School because "they cause a lot of disruption in class, and have trouble fathoming our basic legal principles." I wondered for years what was so difficult about a legal principle, and why engineers were disruptive. It turns out that no one with a good record at solving problems is let into law school. They can't solve problems. Everyone in government is a lawyers. Engineers have a service people want and are willing to pay for; lawyers don't. I'm sending you my credentials in Word Attachments - excerpts from the Tree of Life. The letter below was sent to a lot of people; it was sent but not responded to. If I'm Jesus, I'm up against something big Flynt. I'm sending some attachments that give you a bit about the morality of porn.

[Editor's Note: HUH!?]

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Date: Thu 6/28/01 3:45 PM
From: dick@elevationstation.com
Subject: jumbo's

Generally agree with your club comments but I disagree on Jumbo's-it's one of my fav places anywhere. Not for the erotic content or anything as much as it represents such a great, goofy neighborhood kind of vibe. It also is frankly a place where less than great gals can get treated as if they were queens.

I always tell folks that Jumbo's is the first and last place a dancer works.

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Date: Sun 6/17/01 6:02 PM
From: REGULAR [omicron@cnmnetwork.com]
Subject: Wild Goose

I stumbled on your site because I couldn't think of the name of Mr. J's Restaurant and you helped a lot. So I surfed around a while and came to your review of Wild Goose, supposedly from last summer. I have to not only tell you that the place is constantly changing, kind of like Winchester House up north: they keep building, but you may want to revisit there. First off, the days of no cover are numbered. There is a major change in front. They shifted the DJ booth over and it's like a command center now, complete with a window for taking admission charge. Probably will make that obnoxious black harpie who pretends to be a DJ feel even more powerful. She already thinks she's the general manager.

What prompted this email is your review dated last summer mentioning three girls. Stayce left I think in 97 sometime, 98 at the latest and went back to raising her litter, "Carolyn" has only one connection to the place and that is she photographs the calendar, hasn't danced for years, and the one you're calling "Courtney" also took her completely untrained, undisciplined, huge dog and went back to Michigan a couple of years ago as well. Actually, the dog was starting to come around when I was living there and spent a lot of time with it and worked with it and took it to to the bark park regularly, but once "Courtney" and I exploded, the dog went back to being just big and obnoxious. Come to think of it, she did too. Got to be quite a chunk before she left. I still think to this day that a large part of the reason she and I terminated any contact was that the dog listened to me and wouldn't do one thing for her. But that's water under the bridge. My point here is you are mentioning girls who haven't been in the place in years while claiming the date of summer 2000 for your review.

As for the drink prices, they have gone up again. As for the food, it's the same, the prices keep creeping up, you just have to know when to get it. Once a month they serve the best ham you ever had, once a month they serve pork loin that is excellent, and there are a couple of other things they do quite well, too. As for the girls, it's still a crapshoot. Anything that is allowed in a ladies' room can work there. There have been at least two sex changes that have worked there over the years that I can name. There are days when you can go in there and there are literally more dancers than customers. This is because many are not "on the schedule" and can traipse in there any time they want for as long as they want. Some of them are lookers and some of them can make a freight train take a dirt road. I wandered over there for a while today, Sunday. Empty, but there is this young Swedish natural blonde there who would knock your eyes out, never saw her before. Why she's dancing in front of a dozen guys watching baseball I don't understand. Never saw her before. She's really, really nice. Sat at my table and hung out with me and the waitress. (Told you it was slow.) When the only waitress is hanging out at a booth with a customer while the owner is there and has her legs up, it's slow. It's also Fathers' Day.

Anyway, you might want to make another visit before they activate that admissions window and give it another shot. Truth be told, the cover charge is not all bad an idea. The weekend crowd coming in nights has deteriorated in the last few years. Bunch of gang types, crack music blasting from cars in the parking lot, fights, drugs, etc. Maybe a cover will turn a few of them away when they find out it will cost them to come in there, buy one pitcher, and sit on it for two hours, after stiffing the waitress.

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Date: Sat 6/16/01 7:48 PM
From: Bill Chan [bchan10@hotmail.com]
Subject: club starlight

I went to Club Starlight for the first time 2 weeks ago after going to Club Fantasy, Sugerhoney and VIP a few times before.

May I say Club Starlight really inflates their time in and outs. Somehow I paid 50% more for the same hour and drinks compared to Starlight.

Just my 2 cents.

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Date: Wed 6/13/01 3:48 PM
From: SPlFF@aol.com
Subject: Good Site

I'm not the type to kiss anyones behind, I do however want to thank you for making a very good and comprehensive site abot strip clubs in L.A.. Most often when I want to find general info on location quality or facilities I don't get that. With your web site I get precisely what I need, that is some general info on clubs and a rating system that does influence my choice of club. Also I get a very good idea of what to expect in a club. Keep up the good work.

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Date: Thu 6/7/01 1:43 PM
From: [Name withheld by request]
Subject: what to say to dancers

I think you dropped the ball in your response to the guy who didn't know what to say to dancers (in the "Ask Z Bone" section, under "What to say?"). You suggested he go to a topless or bikini club with other people and try it that way. I've only been to nude clubs, but I've noticed that dancers usually don't stay long at a table with a bunch of customers, maybe because they sometimes act obnoxiously, just to amuse each other. If doesn't know what to say to begin with, his friends may end up taking over the conversation anyway, and he's no better off. Plus, what if he prefers to go by himself, as I do? Much better advice, it seems to me, would be to get a regular. It is so much easier to talk to someone you know, and more interesting too. As you pointed out, some dancers will not sit and talk no matter what, but most will if they know they will be getting dances, and some will even want to talk to him, or at least pretend to. When I think of the meaningful talking I've had with my regular, compared with the superficial chatter I get from dancers I don't know, it seems like the best way. Also, my birthday is this month, and I want to see if I can get into 4 Play for free. Last year, I called, and the girl on the phone said no. If it wasn't on Saturday ($15 cover), I probably wouldn't even bother. I won't be bringing a big group, but since August of '99, I've been there about 40 times and spent just under $7,000 (seriously). I think it would be nice to get SOMETHING for free. What's the best way?

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Date: Wed 6/6/01 10:28 AM
From: ropegun@zbone.com
Subject: Origins of the Lap Dance

I, too, remember the EyeFull and the surprisingly eager dancers in there, when the phenom was new to SoCal. But I also remember that between the chair dances in dives like the Sandbox in Whittier, and the Hat in El Monte, that an "upscale" evolution happended in Dallas clubs: Texas Couch Dancing of the mid-80s. Not much different from the [Tropical Lei] experience at its best and as close to a handjob as you could get. The ABC cracked down in the 80s and without liquor to hold it back anymore, that influence seemed to sweep right into SoCal's remodeled, alcohol-free clubs in the 90s. Personally, I like it... I could drive home relaxed AND sober.

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Date: Tue 5/29/01 5:41 AM
From: LATnSTUNNA@aol.com
Subject: FUCK YOU Z BONE

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Date: Wed 5/2/01 2:15 AM
From: David [xmand@yahoo.com]
Subject: how about including Hostess Dance Clubs?

How about listing Hostess Dance Clubs on your site? I know you consider them to be a different animal from Strip Clubs, but they're very similar. If you don't want to rate such clubs yourself, make a place on your website where readers can write reviews. I think the Hostess Clubs in the City of Industry are of particular interest.

Keep up the good work.

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Date: Tue 5/1/01 1:59 AM
From: PYoung2493@aol.com
Subject: Thanks for the good reading

I've been a regular nude clubber for about 30 years now. I've just read some of the stuff on your site. I use to make a lot of money and I had a great time spending it at the clubs for years and years. You must be freaking millionaire. All I gotta say is, "you're good, very good". Thanks for keeping everyone informed, entertained and connected.

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Date: Mon 4/23/01 1:43 PM
From: Tico [Sticox1@aol.com]
Subject: updates PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The other day i went to Bare Elegance thinking that monday night must be the night since i went there a couple of times and wasn't too impressed. well the staff that was working should have stayed home. i have never seen so many susarian scares and bad boob jobs in one place at the same time. you have got to review your review. perhaps they were good then but now its looking mighty shakey.

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Date: Thu 4/19/01 12:17 AM
From: Carlos Marsh [no1zombie@prodigy.net]
Subject: hollywood

Although it's been many years since I have actually lived in Hollywood, I go there often enough to know what's what. If you really want to help the people who visit your site, you should preface a lot of your reviews with something along the lines of "This particular club is in Hollywood and for an enormous pussy like me, that can only spell trouble. If you have a working pair of testicles, however, you should have no problem." Granted, Jumbo's is smack-dab in the center of Hell but even old ladies aren't afraid to walk the streets of Los Feliz (Cheetah's)! Maybe you should stick to covering clubs in the Valley, at least until you can find a nice Krav Maga class to join.

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Date: Fri 3/16/01 11:02 AM
From: dea4136@compaq.net
Subject: get a life

Seriously you need a life.

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Date: Sun 1/28/01 9:17 PM
From: Ray Shelly [shelly69@gte.net]
Subject: Sibel Dilicon -October14-2000 cub review

To z.bone,
Your site is full of insight and news worthy of printing although I must say the one regarding this particular woman is unworthy and absurd. She is a stunning brunette(not blonde) who I as a customer respect and admire. For you to continue to keep this on your site not only makes your site look foolish but also can bring on a lawsuit. remove it if you have any integrity.

Date: Sun 1/28/01 9:19 PM

This is a great website with the exception of the comments written about Sibel. who is a sweet and beautiful girl, Remove it or have a lawsiut.

Date: Sun 1/28/01 9:46 PM

You are going to be in for a major lawsuit if you do not delete the Star Garden review for October 14, 2000

We promise you that. Defamation of Character and false statements made. If you want to e-mail me please do so at gia_mama_mia@yahoo.com.

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Date: Wed 1/3/01 11:18 PM
From: Rachael [Mako_6112@email.msn.com]
Subject: SR Rialto

Hi there to all zbone reviewers,

My name is Rachael and I have been a dancer here at [Spearmint Rhino, Rialto] for 8 months. For quite some time I have read reviews about ripoff girls and pushy waitresses. Let me ask you a question, why do you think it is that girls treat you like crap and the waitresses would rather flip you off than serve you? Could it possibly be that you come in with an attitude? Next time you come visit me at my club, try wearing a smile and actually acting like you are having fun. You wouldn't believe how far it will go.

I am in no way supporting the girls who do try to take you for everything, I am aware that it does happen. And yes on occasion there may be a waitress in a bad mood. But step back for just one moment and put yourself in our shoes. Day in and day out I have men trying to stick their fingers in places where they don't belong and certainly don't have permission to go. I have men who grab ahold of me and squeeze me so tight that 4 days later I am still sporting their fingerprint bruises. Please, treat us like the ladies we are and not a piece of dough. In return, I would be more than happy to treat you like a gentleman and not just another grabby jerk.

In short, most of the men I come in contact with are true gentlemen. This is simply aimed at those who could a little advice. IF this offends you, mabey you are the one who needs the advice.

Rachael

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