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Letters to Z Bone

BobSometimes Z Bone readers just want to flame me or tell me something without asking me anything. Others want to expunge their guilt by confessing to Z.

There is no claim by me that any of these e-mails relate to reality. The more interesting or thought provoking ones will be posted right here. Obvious shills will not, unless it's downright hilarious.

Submissions may be edited or shortened at Z Bone's discretion or lack thereof. If you do not want your name shown, please specify so in your e-mail.

Date: Wed 12/19/2007 12:01 AM
From: Tom
Subject: Complaint For Charges and a Beat Down

Great Site. Been in L.A. for 16 years. I check in occasionally, mainly when I'm on the outskirts of town.

Anyway, I'm not a cheap guy, but I'm not a glutton when it comes to the clubs. I make an appearance maybe once every few months or so, and am usually in it to check out the hotties by sitting up near the stage tossing out $1s and $5s for about 3 or 4 dances, determine which of them is the dirtiest, and then buy the $20 dollar 2 for 1 for $40 or the $35 2 for 1 for $50, which I usually give up front... it seems to benefit the situation.

Anyway, that's about my m.o., so I hope you believe me when I say I returned to the Star Strip on 365 N La Cienega Blvd, and had the most fucked up experience. I used to live in that hood about ten years ago and was a regular... These were the days when Ben Stiller would come storming in at 10 minutes to close all wired up, frantically picking someone, and heading off into the back.

So I show up there after having likely just enough to drink at the Sofitel to deplete my cashflow down to two $20s. I decide to use my credit card for the door fees so I'm liquid enough to at least have some fun, but I guess I was just distracted enough to be dumb enough to be talked into leaving my card open.

Cut to 20 minutes later, the average looking Asian chick, who's boobs are big enough to marginally hold my attention, beyond the drone of her voice, has decided that she IS going to be the one I'll be having a private dance with. I begin to realize this and decide from the looks I'm getting from around the room from the other girls, that she's put her mark on me... no one else is 'allowed'.

I get up to leave and ask to sign out. Some dude hands me three CC receipts, two of which are for $100 each, and the third... ready for this?!?!?!?!?! $300!!!!!!

I'm aghast. I begin to laugh and tell the guy he has to be kidding, since all this girl and I did was talk. And trust me, don't let me give you the impression that if she even DID rub around on me and do a dance, I'd even consider paying much more than $50 unless she was going to... ( well, simply because it was obvious I was being steamrolled here ).

Here's the best part. I tell him there's not a snowballs chance in Hell I'll sign it, and what does he and his buddy do? They beat me down to the ground. I'm in good shape, so the majority of my injuries have healed in the past few weeks... but these fuckers actually kicked me repeatedly while I was on the ground.

In the melee they also managed the license out of my pocket, which they subsequently waved around saying that they now know where I lived in case I wanted to press charges, etc.

The door guy inhibited my exit, and then spent the better part of the next half hour trying to make things "nice, nice" since I originally stormed off claiming to go to get the police. Once it was apparent I was wayy too fucking pissed to listen to his bullshit ( and as I began to cool off, he likely sensed I wasn't actually ready to risk a DUI to pursue this with the police at this moment), he pointed to the sign that basically said the establishment has the right to charge whatever they want once you walk in the door.

So that's it... That's my story, take it or leave it. I'm including a screenshot of the charges I'm obviously contesting with my CC company and fyi, I'm filing a complaint with the BBB.

I work 12 hour days as an artist in this fickle film business... I work super-hard, like everyone else, and since it's feast or famine, that money becomes super valuable during the 'lean' times. That said, I also like to blow off steam every once in awhile and have no problem spending my money.

I fully understand the valuable service you provide here, and it's for this reason that I've bothered conveying to you about this whole fuck-for-all. Your readers deserve it.

These are some bad dudes. I'd hate to color the girls the same way, but where many of them witnessed what happened and were originally horrified by what went down... Screaming ( and yes, crying, originally taking my side and asking if I was okay ) were able to later determine their fate if they maintained alliance with me, and ended up taking the 'party line'. I can't blame them, but it'd sure have been sexier for one of them to take a stand :)

Okay, that's all I got.

-Tom, Los Angeles 12/18/07

(P.S. You'll see they decided to drop one of the ~$100 charges and are listed near the bottom as 'STAR RESTAURANT'... I'm blocking some stuff out because it'd give away my identity. If YOU want my identity as a condition of printing this, please contact me by e-mail me )


Date: Mon 12/17/2007 11:22 AM
From: Matt
Subject: No Site Updates

I like going through your site but have noticed for a while it is pretty out dated. Some of the clubs are no longer around or have changed names and the reviews I don?t think are consistent with the atmosphere you would find today at some of them.

It would be nice to see more updates and maybe a user/reader rated value as well which would help on keeping the site updated a little more. It seems after 2006 the site pretty much went silent, I do see in the news sections there are a couple more recent additions (September 2007) but am failing to see any new content otherwise or ratings on the clubs.

Also, are there any plans for a redesign of the site? Get it attracting more people in? This site has a lot of potential rate clubs and to provide direct feedback to the owners. Personally I like to think of your site as the Zagat of strip clubs, which are the best ones which not so much, who are the good ladies who are the ones to watch out for. I think some clubs would like to know how their customer experiences are too, maybe that could be used as a way to have revenue to continue rating the clubs? J

I also noticed you are using straight html pages, might want to look into ASP or PHP etc? to make things more dynamic . J


[Editor's Note: We do have a reader review section but I agree that a lot of my reviews need updating.  As for updating from simple HTML, I wish I had the time to do that.  I've been working on converting the bulletin board and reader review board for over a year.  One day it will happen.  But that day isn't today.]


Date: Wed 10/3/2007 3:31 PM
From: Calvin
Subject: Checkout Ryan

I'm not too sure if this is the correct way to grab your attention regarding this matter however, i have decided to try. We (my unit and I) just recently got back from Iraq and a buddy of ours who is a recruiter for the Marine Corps now has an office in Anaheim.

After hours he invited us to a topless bar by the name of California Girls in the city of Anaheim. Now i used to frequent your site however, i've been away for some time and i have fallen back on times.

I got to see that girl Simone and by my standards she is nothing compared to this "new" girl named Ryan Shamrock. She is Black and Irish and puts both nationalities to work. Great face, tight body, cute ass...The works. Man, can she dance.

She's got that X-Factor on stage and off. Her pole tricks are very well executed and again, she can dance. Now here is the reason i'm really recommending this young lady to you. Her lap dances were great. By every mean necessary. She doesn't get dirty, and nothing extra curricular flies with her but her movements and shit are superb.

Check her out when you get the chance. She has a myspace. i believe its

She leaves simone in the dust... they went on stage back to back and i will say that she rocked the place better than simone did. I liked her (ryan's ) lap dances better too. Although. Simones ass is bigger!

Take care and good luck with this. You can e-mail me back if you wish. However, we're gettin gready to go back because we're with a quick reaction team.

[Editors Note: Thanks for the heads up. She will make a great DOM.]


Date: Sun 9/23/2007 4:10 PM
From: Zee
Subject: Jumbo's and Crazy Girls

As a recent addition to Jumbo's lineup I have to say your review seriously needs updating.

As for money is concerned some of us do well enough nowadays... the only trouble is that many of the "cool" kids that come in are under the impression all 'dancers' make tons of money. Perhaps you could mention that the women who work very hard and can't or choose not to capitalize on their reproductive regions don't get paid unless they are tipped.

The girls at Jumbo's are probably some of the most talented beautiful girls in L.A. . I have added a few shifts at the newly opened crazy girls... and most of the girls are worlds away from the Jumbo's roster. Not to mention the hardsell lapdances and the feeling that anyone in charge would be willing to look the other way for the right size stack; makes crazy girls more of a machine than the down to earth vibe of Jumbo's.

Anyway, it would be cool for you to update your page with some new reviews of both clubs. I don't know how much longer I can maintain my soul at Crazy Girls however; I won't be leaving Jumbo's anytime soon. I'm there every Thursday.

Part 2:
Just got home from crazy girls and the funny thing is, the lapdance really sold itself tonight and I enjoyed every second. Sick world? Perhaps. I heard purgatory has a rather sensible climate and it's rent controlled... Live by the pole. Die by the bowl.

Thanks for your time, Zee


Date: Fri 6/8/2007 1:44 AM
From: Dave
Subject: Hard Bodies

Am glad to find your reviews since most clubs are a waste of time to try for me. I moved to LA from Dallas 8 years ago and was generally disappointed by dancers at clubs around LA as being not as good looking overall as what you find in Big D where there just seems to be alot more money circulating.

There are some really swank clubs in Dallas that resemble 5 star hotels (with indoor pools, humidors, barber and clothing shops inside) and I have spoken to a number of girls who regularly fly in from other parts of the country because the money is so good there. Have been to some of the better known clubs here, but most are surprisingly cheap and seedy in comparison, and where more of the dancers are what I would consider merely average looking. 'Average' is not what I care to pay good money for when there are many better looking women walking down the street outside.

But more to the point, personally I prefer very fit, hard bodied girls who look like they workout several days a week, which are all over better Dallas clubs. In L.A., eight years ago I saw one at Cheetahs who quit after only a few weeks. I didnt see another really fit stripper until recently at 4play (the only place I know to find a few exceptional looking girls now that CGs is closed).


Date: Sat 4/21/2007 7:08 AM
From: [Name withheld by request]
Subject: ...But She's Soooo Hot!

Wanted to send this letter to remind and warn your readers of the very real danger of trying to date dancers. This is something I have generally avoided in the past unless they have pursued me, and even then, the results are not good. But I have never had an experience as bad as what happened this past week.

I met one of the those dancers that I just clicked with, we hung out at the club 3 or 4 times, talked for hours. She told me a bunch of weird stuff I hadnt heard from dancers before like "when youre in here, I dont want to dance for other guys because I feel guilty" and "I feel weird that you have to pay me for dances." We even french kissed during a dance, something I have not seen before and Ive been in a lot of clubs. I was not spending very much money on her but she would hang out with me as long as I was there. I asked if she would like to hang out outside the club sometime and we made plans that didnt work out. She didnt show up, etc. It was typical dancer stuff so I didnt really care.

Also, I noticed that when she would call me it wasnt from her own number. She would call, then say she would call me tomorrow to do this or that and it wouldnt happen. But each time she would promise that she would and that she was sorry. Ive been around the block and this girl really seemed sincere in wanting to hang out with me so I began to think she had a boyfriend or other controlling influence than wasnt allowing her to meet me or call me. The next time we made plans it was for me to pick her up at her house. Of course, it wasnt in the nicest neighborhood and I never, ever shouldve went. But, because she was really hot and because I really liked her, I foolishly did it anyway and gave some friends strict instructions that if they didnt hear from me within the hour to start to worry.

Well, I was right to worry. Within five seconds of showing up, three guys came out of the house asking who was I looking for and why was I there. When I told them who I was looking for, they told me to get the fuck away and that if I ever came back they would "fuck me up." Because I was prepared for this potential situation from earlier clues, I was able to remain calm and said I wouldnt be back and they let me go, but it obviously couldve turned out a lot worse.

So if you want to date a dancer, no matter how cool or how hot she is, ask yourself why, ask yourself why again. Then ask yourself are you really fucking sure you want to pursue this because there is almost no way that it ends well, and you might end up lying in a gutter somewhere.

As an aside, Im obviously hurt that the girl would put me in harms way like that. I just dont understand it. I should never talk to her again but I would like to hear her side of the story. And it goes without saying that I should never, ever try to see her again. But shes soooo hot...

I am an idiot, if this message saves one reader from being stupid then its worth it. I think it was clear from her behavior that she had some dude protecting her and I chose to pursue anyway. Very stupid. Zbone readers, dont do it!!!


Date: Fri 3/30/2007 8:18 PM
From: [Name withheld by request]
Subject: No Sex in the Champagne Room

[I went to Vegas and visited Scores.]  When I walked in the bouncer told me a "hostess" would give me a tour. This sounded fishy, and I was right, she was a dancer. She took me up to a room on the "tour" and told me it was a champagne room and the cheapest bottle cost $200 and her company cost $500 an hour.

I told her I wanted to go to the main room, where the regular dances were, and she told me this cost $300 an hour for her company. I told her this didn't make any sense, and she pretended like she didn't understand. She told me we could go in a private room for $300 for 3 songs. I told her I didn't want to, not yet, I wanted to look around. "Okay, fine, I'll make it $300 for half an hour because I like you." Bullshit.

Unfortunately, I was in a city I don't know well, in a club I don't know well, was intimidated and let my self get pushed around. I ended up paying $300 for the half hour. About 5 minutes in, another girl said "drink for the lady?" I asked how much it was. "$10."

Well, at this point, my dancer had been giving the least contact lap I've ever received, and I thought maybe getting her a little drunk would help, so I bought one. She drank a shot out of the other girl's cleavage. "$25 please." "I thought you said it was $10." "It's $25 if she drinks it out of my chest." "Well I did't ask for that." She grabbed the bouncer, and he told me it was $25. Considering I'm 5'9" and 170 pounds and he was a good 6'4" and 240 pounds, I just paid.

Apparently, this girl thought a good lap dance was standing a foot away from me and shaking her ass at me (she said LV law dictates that she has to wear a g-string). A couple times she sat in my lap, but just the slightest moving, no grinding.

She put her breasts in my face and let me cup them a few times, but that was it. She then tried to pressure me to tip the bouncer "$20 or $30" for "leaving us alone." Fat chance, since he'd upcharged me on the drink and it's not like his leaving us alone did anything. I had noticed that when other people tipped the bouncer, he took the money without looking in a handshake, put it in his pocket, and only looked once the PL walked away. So I tipped him $1. I thought he'd enjoy that.

The whole dance, she kept saying "Let's hire another girl to join us." I kept asking if that would get me more contact, more grinding, if I could touch, etc. She just giggled and said "We'll kiss each other and lick each other's boobies." Pathetic. She spent the whole half hour trying to convince me.

My girl was great looking, but that was the only pleasure of the night. I never even got fully hard, and after my dance was over I left without even sticking around (partially because I was pissed off, and partially because I was out of cash).

Waste of my time and a lot of money ($500 with drinks, tips, cab rides). The only reason I wanted to go to Scores was that last time my friend was there, a girl took him to a private room for a bed dance for half an hour for $250, made out with him the whole time while using her hand over his pants, and offered to meet him later at his hotel room for $400. I wasn't looking for that, but I figured it would at LEAST be as nasty as LA clubs.


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